My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
she smelled like a LAN party
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
He felt like a one man threesome
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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