How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
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