I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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