I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
