don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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