he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dear god my vagina.
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