The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
