This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
