ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
