Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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