What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
