Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
