I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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