Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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