he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
