so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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