You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
