Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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