Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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