I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Semen is not good for contacts.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You need a sexual gate keeper
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
