thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
