you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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