you would pick up someone in the library
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
