Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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