That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
