Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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