I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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