his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize