i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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