i just had sex bonerless
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I came so hard my ears popped.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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