i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
