I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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