She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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