i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
