are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
