I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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