she smelled like a LAN party
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
