I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just high enough for therapy.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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