I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
