dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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