There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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