Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
