And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
