I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
