I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
it's great music for shaving your balls
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
