So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
