So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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