I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
