Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
