Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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