Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
