Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
