I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
