Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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