Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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