u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Randomize
