He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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