Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This is classic penis vs brain.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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