My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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