were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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