you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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