I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
