im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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