we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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