I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
