is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize