Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
