No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
