Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
