You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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