it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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