The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
